might have been

i don't remember what was last on my mind before i fell asleep but it might have been that  i showed you a piece of my heart in that text and you never replied. it might have been that you said "i hate Lone Peak. Always have and always will" and i took it personally. oh and you also said that "you would rather be single for the rest of your life than to marry a girl from LP" yeah... sorry i took that personally too. it might have been that my mom ripped me apart for going to see you at lunch, for not being prepared for college, for not having a decision on where i am going to go to college, for not getting that seminary "it's time" T-shirt, for thinking that I am falling away from the church, for not cleaning my room, for disobeying, for taking advantage of the car privileges, for not wanting to go look at kitchen appliances with her, etc. it might have been that it was my last basketball game ever and i wasn't allowed to be with my friends that night. it might have been that i was scared thinking about going to college and what the future will hold. it might have been that i was cold. it might have been that i wish i had someone to play with. it might have been that i was thinking about finally seeing Walter Mitty..... alone. it might have been that i got yelled at by a teacher in front of everyone, and i couldn't defend myself. it might have been that i read this stupid quote on pinterest "there comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for you" and i realized that it that time is coming, and i don't want it to. and it might have been another lame quote "the hardest part about letting go is finally realizing that there wasn't much left to hold on to" and realized that pinterest might be right, and i also need to stop spending so much time on pinterest. it might have been that the only people that care about my wellbeing are adults. it might have been that i wanted to run away. it might have been that i was thinking about what might have been between us and what we could have had.


it might have been a lot of things.

but all i know is that i woke up with swollen eyelids and tear stained cheeks.