girls bathroom

It's 2:19 on a Friday after school. I have no where to be. I have no where to go. 

Right now I'm just in the girls bathroom, locked up in a stall. It's uncomfortable. I don't want to sit down on the toilet or the floor so I just stand leaning against the cold brick wall. Cuddling up to it while I sob because it's the only one that will hold me. 

Maybe I'll eat my lunch that I was supposed to eat between 12:12-12:45 but couldn't because the saltwater coming from my eyes didn't mix well pb&j sandwiches. Maybe while I'm in here, thinking about what I don't want, I'll shed a few more tears. It's not very hard because it feels like I've been doing this for years. 

dear you

dear you,

i tried not to think about you when someone said Disneyland. 

i tried not to think about you when i saw the trident layer gum at the checkout.

i tried not to think about you when i was driving past the dollar theater and saw that Walter Mitty was playing.

i tried not to think about you when someone mentioned the rivalry.

i tried not to think about you when your mom texted me. 

i tried not to think about you when i saw Saving Mr. Banks at walmart when i walked it. 

i tried not to think about you when i overheard a boy saying that his spirit animal was a lion.

i tried not to think about you when i heard Pink on the radio.

i tried not to think about you when on American idol the singer had your same name.

i tried not to think about you when i saw your tweets about her.

i tried not thinking about you, but it's not working out so well. 

sad chairs

i couldn't choose which one i liked best so here are a few. fyi-the title is above the picture.

"forgotten" 

"i'm still waiting"

"lost"

because it is Easter Sunday.....

"He is risen"

top 5

• Peter Mckeller - i just found out it was assembly schedule

• Corinne Bailey Rae- circles and lines

• Pricilla Belle- nelson read this cause

• no U turn- 7/seven

• Midnight Mirage- what they said part 1 of voices

Gone Fishing

gone fishing. a sign that says we've locked up and have gone to do something we love. we don't have these signs anymore.

how lovely would it be to live in a world where we could put up our own "gone fishing" signs?

gone dancing

gone painting

gone writing

gone singing

gone walking

gone reading

gone....

just gone. 

To This Day

click this link. watch the video. even if you've already seen it. do it again. i promise it is worth 7 minutes and 37 seconds of your life.

http://tothisdayproject.com/

i love this.

i. love. this.

i love the start where it talks about his grandma letting him keep thinking that pork chops and karate chops are the same. it's not a big deal but so many times we don't want to hurt someone so we don't tell them they are wrong. we lie.

i love where it says "Before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees, i fell out of a tree."it is just so sad. because i can see a little kid climbing a tree, trying to fit in with the other school boys. he falls out and is hurt. i can see him wanting to cry but doesn't because the other boys will laugh at him. i can see him going home and still wanting to cry but hold it in because he doesn't want to get in trouble by his grandma for climbing a tree.

i love how you can use his words to infer and predict. when he says "with a really nice lady who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home" you know that he is talking about a child therapist or some type of child protective service.

i love how he breaks my heart. how a stilly little story spread and everyone made fun of him. how no one let him forget his silly mistake because every time they called for him they would mention it, and call him "porkchop."

i love how he connects every person that has ever felt lonely, ever been afraid, ever been hurt, ever been called a mean name, ever been bullied together. and at the same time he is taking a stand against bullying.

i love how he makes it personal to him by telling us about his first love.

i hate bullies. how dare they make a sign on her desk that says "beware of dog."

i love how he melts my heart. he tells about his love for her even though she has a birthmark. i love how he talks about her insecurities because everyone has them. and this. oh. it makes me cry. "That she's raising two kids whose definition of beauty begins with the word mom." every child thinks their mom is the most wonderful thing in the world and he describes this beautifully.

i love how he says " and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself get a better mirror. look a little closer. stare a little longer." because he makes me believe that i am beautiful.

and he says that life is a balancing act and even though there will be pain there is always beauty. and that is what is important.


ah. i love this. i. love. this.

treehouse

today i was thinking about treehouses.

i was thinking about how i have always wanted a treehouse. i wanted some place i could go that wasn't all the way outside but wasn't inside either. i wanted a place to play with my friends. i wanted a place where i could be removed. i wanted a place where i could go read and read aloud. i wanted a place where i could talk to myself and no one would hear me or judge me. i wanted a place i could be alone. i wanted a place to my own.

i was thinking about the first treehouse i've ever been in. it was just a ladder and a plank that was nailed to a branch.

i was thinking about the treehouse my friends were building when we were in 3rd grade. it was just a little tree with a whole bunch of wood jumbled together on a branch. and i was confused because they were too young to build a treehouse.

i was thinking about our date and the treehouse you built and let me inside. and i was thinking about how i just wanted to stay in there all night with you. but then again not because there were birds inside and i was scared.

i was thinking about the high school musical treehouse and how Gabriella was the 2nd girl that has ever been up there with Troy, the 1st being his mom.

i was thinking about the treehouse i was going to make with my next door neighbors last summer. it was going to be above the fence and have a ladder on both sides. we were going to work on it everyday. but summer got crazy and there were vacations and we got lazy. but i still have a pinterest board of treehouse ideas.

i was thinking about the treehouse my dad promised to help me build. he told me that we have to wait until the oak tree got strong enough it could handle all the weight and holes we would be putting into it. i asked him every year if the tree was strong enough. the answer was always no even though the tree had been growing for more than 20 years. i remember coming home one day from school and seeing that the big oak tree in the backyard had been cut down.

i guess my dad forgot his promise.

dad. i'd still really like for you to help me build a treehouse.